- Find common ground
Try and find common-ground topics that are not political and always start with positive information. This helps any conversation begin to develop and is important to help create a bond with the person. Bonding with someone is especially important prior to dealing with negative issues. Once the conversation is flowing and a level of comfort is established, it is easier to interject the conversation with something negative, making the negative news easier to swallow. If this doesn’t work and a diplomatic solution cannot be reached, ask to reconvene at a different time and/or venue. Do not force or demand a conclusion.
2. Think outside of the box
What does this mean? As issues arise think strategically and provide solutions—don’t just complain about things. Not being judgmental, and rather being empathetic, allows you to keep the emotions low so you can think in this manner.
3. Never raise your voice
Arguing doesn’t help anyone—avoid it at all costs. In many instances, when you’re trying to have a healthy discussion and you’re dealing with sensitive issues, often it turns into a heated conversation. Do not raise your voice or yell. Raising your voice doesn’t serve any purpose except to make a highly emotional issue worse.
4. Envision the big picture
Always envision the big picture/overall objective. What do you want to get out of this discussion? Keep the endgame insight and don’t go down to their level of negativity. Quickly adapt and change the direction of the conversation: remember sh.. happens frequently and comes at you from all directions, especially when dealing with people who have poor EQ. If you can’t manage their emotions, then adjust your overall objective keeping the endgame in mind. Unfortunately, there are those combative types who enjoy being argumentative. You need to avoid the temptation to argue. When you encounter these types, remember to start the conversation by finding common ground as explained earlier. If you do get into an argument never try to win, instead, find a cordial solution. Always try and converse versus argue.
5. Hide your arrogance
From a young age, we are trained to hide our insecurities. When focusing on developing your EQ, it is also very important to hide your arrogance. This ability will help you influence others in the right direction. So, the next time there is a disagreement, swallow your pride and check your ego at the door. Even if you feel you are right, pick and choose your battles and focus on ways to recognize others.
6. Always be diplomatic
With any conversation, you can’t always have it your way. It’s a two-way street, not a one-way highway. Within the issue at hand, look for commonalities that the two of you agree on. If there are some, build on them as this will make the difficult aspects of the issue easier to tackle. Remember, it requires give and take to reach an understanding. Be diplomatic, negotiate and never demand anything.
7. Ignore irrelevant comments
Occasionally, people will say the most upsetting things during conversations. I’ve had that happen to me on many occasions, but I let the negative comments come in one ear and quickly exit the other without hesitation or further thought. Remember your end goal and focus on it to help you ignore the flagrant comments made by others to purposefully derail the conversation. Only you will lose.
8. Improve your empathy skills
Reading the emotions of others, or empathy, is a key element in improving your EQ skills. It will help you choose your words wisely and influence a conversation in the right direction. For example, if a conversation is going down the wrong path and you’re not sure what the other person is feeling, just ask. Never be afraid to directly ask what the other person is feeling. On the flip side, also remember to empathize without getting too emotionally invested. The reason being, when emotions go up thinking goes down and you lose sight of the end goal. As with everything else in life, it’s a balancing act.
9. Put yourself in their shoes
Momentarily stop thinking about yourself and try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Determine what’s important to them and if possible, try and understand their strengths and weaknesses. The more you know about someone, the easier it will be to influence others and conjure up the appropriate message to achieve the best results. Additionally, treat others the way they would want to be treated, not the way you would like to be treated. If they feel like you truly understand them, it will go a long way in helping you achieve the overall objective.
