When emotional impulses do arise, the following are some of the easiest and most practical ways to defuse your emotions and develop your EQ muscle immediately:
- Stay focused
Stay focused on the present; face what is being said and what is being done without wondering about the past. How do you apply this daily? By focusing your mind on your to-do list which includes obligations in your personal and professional realm, you are left with very little time for anger or worry about something or someone else. Each time an incident arises that can derail your emotions, remind yourself of that to-do list and the need to stay on track to avoid wasting time.
2. Meditate
When you notice your emotions are taking over, become aware of your breathing. Focus on your breath as it enters and exits the body at a focal point (i.e. nasal passage or stomach), then when your mind does wander gently bring it back to your breath. Start with as little time as you like and slowly increase the amount of time in focus. Meditation, like lifting weights to build muscle, helps build the mental strength you need to stay focused.
3. Go for a walk and be mindful of your surroundings
If possible, taking a walk or break in nature is a great way to relax the mind. Try to really focus on the natural details of your environment.
4. Become aware of your body
Utilize body scans, a mindfulness tool that helps you listen to your body and notice physical sensations to obtain insight into how you are feeling. For instance, tension in your shoulders or jaws while driving to a friend’s house may be a sign that this relationship needs attention.
5. Feeling down—turn on the lights
Research has shown light is directly linked to mood and learning. So, if need be, turn on a brighter light in your area or open the shades and let the sunshine in.
6. Expect that life will present you with challenges—avoid being surprised
Life is meant to spike up and down, similar to a cardiac EKG monitor. When the lines move up and down you are alive. If life were a straight path this would be shown on an EKG monitor as a flat line, which correlates with death.
7. Mr. Kern’s favorite—exercise
Getting blood pumping through your body and especially to your brain is not only good for your health but also your focus.
8. Try journaling your feelings and thoughts daily
Purging thoughts from your mind onto paper gives you the mental clarity you need to focus on your priorities. In addition to journaling your feelings, the following three journal ideas help you anticipate difficult situations, stay positive and track your growth:
Describe a situation that would be difficult for you and think of various ways you could respond to it—goofy, silly, mean or super nice. The idea is to have several options for responding to a variety of difficult situations.
Morning gratitude list—jot down three quick items you are thankful for. This type of journal helps redirect your mind to keep you focused on the positives in your life.
Daily Good decision Log—think back through your day and log at least three good decisions you made that you are proud of. This type of journal provides positive reinforcement and highlights the changes you are making.
9. Read fiction books
There is evidence to support that reading fiction books can help increase your ability to empathize. A 2016 review titled “Fiction: Simulation of Social Worlds,” explores the idea that fiction allows us to transport ourselves into the lives of other people, invariably helping us better understand others, which in turn we can use to improve our ability to interact with them. https://www.cell.com/trends/cognitive-sciences/fulltext/S1364-6613(16)30070-5
10. Identify your emotional triggers
Think of a time you lost control of your emotions and deconstruct the incident to pinpoint the instigating factor. You could even keep a log of these times to help you identify your emotional triggers, or weak spots. Identifying these triggers will help you learn to react more appropriately the next time you come across one, which believe me will happen.
11. Know your strengths and weaknesses
When you are self-aware of both your strengths and weaknesses, you will have realistic expectations of yourself. This will allow you to know when to turn to others for assistance, saving you a lot of time and potential heartache.
12. Pause and take a deep breath before acting
Rather than allow your emotions to take the wheel, take a moment to visualize what your ideal self would do instead.
13. Understand your feelings
Often times when we lash out at people, we are actually venting frustrations from earlier in the day or even the week. Take the time to understand the root cause of your emotional outburst and remind yourself that all emotions are temporary. This too shall pass.
